I always say my new hair changes my state of mind, I’m the type of girl that’ll change her hair and life all in one which is part of why I went natural. This definitely introduced me into my blossoming misunderstood womanhood. I dyed my hair red compliments of beautician Sammie on Tuesday September 18th 2012, At Noel New York Salon a Fabulous salon located in Bed-Stuy Brooklyn.
(TWO WEEKS BEFORE MY B DAY)
The First week went a little like this:
I always have these revelations while showering kind of how Rev Run does in bubble baths. I turned around looked in mirror and took a real notice to my hair. I had not looked at it much since getting it dyed. For some reason after a long look I broke down crying. “I am a REDHEAD” I said to myself, Although this was a beautiful thing because it’s something I’ve wanted to do forever. As a young girl I loved Eve I had her albums and loved when she was went red. Now my birthday is usually the time of year I put everything into prospective and make necessary changes in my life. I listened to Anthony Hamilton’s ‘Her heart’ over and over because the mellow mood and interpretation behind the song meant a lot to me. I started to resonate with my situation, But the more I realized what my ‘situation’ was I realized that my ‘situation’ wasn’t a ‘situation’ all but it was ME! I AM my situation, I can’t give anybody what I don’t have. I had been NEGLECTING TONI, My NEEDS, MY wants and what I deserved. I wasn’t becoming what I thought a woman was, This girl was LOST! I realized I wanted someone else to understand me more than I understood me! From that day on I vowed to take more time to shape myself, Mold myself and become ONE with my habits and WHO I WAS. I realized some pain more than others was self inflicted.
Hmmm! How do I feel? Good , My birthday is here and it’ll be beautiful to embrace the BEAUTIFUL BLESSINGS GOD has in store for me. Birthdays are infinitely important to me for so many reasons. I speak IN God, business, self, LOVE & so many things on MY BIRTHDAY because it has shaped my life today. I’m grateful for it all! I’M SHARING WITH YOU MY STORY BUT IT DOES NOT MEAN I WANT YOU TO BETTER UNDERSTAND IT! You don’t have to, Because I get it!
I realized I wasn’t being clear of what my own purpose was. How was I going to be anyone’s super woman IF I couldn’t even be my own? I thought things through with purpose, Followed with actions and was clear with the LOVE I wanted FOR ME! From ME, That’s when it hit me, It’s not about LOSING EVERYTHING but YOU! In all of this YOU could lose anything ANY DAY! The key is to NOT LOSE YOU I realized I had to work harder at being the woman I aspired to be. I knew something I was doing was avoiding GOD because it made it easier to be who I wanted to be and NOT WHO I’m DESTINED to be. I began sticking to what I say A LOT MORE, Which began to make becoming a woman of my word much easier. Moved onto solving problems within myself more efficiently with less fear, more certainty and awareness. Made sure to humble myself because the fact that I know how my own story is for me, I can’t point the blame or make judgement of anyone because I don’t know their story. I knew that walking in my truth meant accepting others and their story as well as knowing my self worth. I know I want major BRANDING to become of what I will do & What my success will embody.
Today: (10/02/2012) :
THIS girl on fire, She’s not afraid or nervous, She’s courageous and brave! She lights up the room and sets it on fire. She’s dope! kind and silent, Reserved ONLY saying what you wanna know but never too much. THE RED HAIR is me accepting who I always wanted to be I’m not sure how long I’ll keep it, but a REDHEAD was something I always wanted to be. As I sat in the wash chair at Noel New York and that bleached stripped my hair, I stripped the old me and I spoke time of renewal. I want to go from GOD TO GREAT - TO GOOD- TO GOD AGAIN.
I took some MAJOR LOSES and I could deal with that. :)
Another week not to only be better but to believe and be in love with myself. Discovering other parallels within myself. I kept living through what every other version of what a hustler was and not understanding I had my own. First and foremost I had to hustle my heart back and play for keeps. Reaching my full potential was impossible because I wasn’t living as ideally as I used to imagine I would be as a Woman. My father was a player with one hell of a past so his yesterdays shaped my today’s and I was definitely gone need to be strong. I even began to relax differently with more ease realizing and appreciating every little thing I encountered. Not only because It was ‘THE RIGHT THING TO DO’ but Because my current situation is not somewhere I have to be, Things could have always been worse. When Friday rolled around I began getting in the ‘Birthday Spirit’ I felt VERY blessed and BEAUTIFUL. I was definitely walking in my essence. I had an amazing day, With so much planned for the night. I wasn’t feeling too well so I took a Tylenol Pm and Alka Seltzer. Not having done this in about maybe four years I thought nothing of it. I was ready to get my night started until I got extremely drowsy. I initially thought it was my day wearing me down! I was literally floating in and out of consciousness. Once I got to dinner, I ordered appetizers and after a whole tray of chili cheese fries I was about to go to sleep right there on the table. Uncomfortable with being outside feeling this way, We took the food to go and I passed out once I hit the car. Saturday I was FINALLY on my way back to BROOKLYN. On my way home I still felt drowsy even after over 10 hours asleep. I usually stick to natural remedies to prevent or overcome sickness, Which is why the meds had such a drastic effect on me. I hated that feeling but kept reminding myself to enjoy my day, I mean it was only TWO MORE DAYS UNTIL my B DAY. It wasn’t until I reached Brooklyn and saw a funeral hearse being driven in front of a fleet of cars filled loved ones and friends, That was when I came back to reality. I had to take some time to thank GOD and appreciate the fact that I even woke up that day. I started blasting some music and working on my manuscript to turn it in to TALKDATISH publishing!!!
ONE HOUR BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY:: I prayed and stared at the sky in deep thought! I had to be sure of what I was coming into and how I wanted things to turn out so I could prepare and be open for the change that was coming.
AT 12:00am 10/02/2012: I LIT A SPECIAL CANDLE AND MADE A WISH! * :) *
I am inspired by GOD, WOMEN and girls much younger than me to continue working hard and follow my dreams! Alicia keys, Nicki Minaj and Miss Gabby Douglass had me in tears for their VMA performance last month. I know that MY TIME IS coming, Its here! I’m HERE. I log every birthday but this will be so unforgettable and great, I CANT be nothing less than on fire! I’m EXTREMELY blessed! I appreciate the amazing people GOD HAS BLESSED ME WITH starting WITH MY ENTIRE FAMILY. My amazing friends and BEST FRIENDS also Women like Tionna Smalls, Nicole (HairByNik), Gwen Beloti, NICKY M, Eboyne’ Jackson and even other women like Dominique Auxilly, Keyshia Ka’oir along with so many other amazing female entrepreneurs because to be a good hustler we must pay attention to how the greats made it in the past and we must study the present. So My LIFE IS NOW MY BUSINESS, What business decisions are u making?
Thank You for you’re WELL WISHES! I appreciate it!!